*Bienvenue Chez Votre Marchand!*

These are the peeps I know, I know -
oh yeah, indubitably - these are the peeps WE all know:
from Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Miracle Mart
(oops - did I go too far there;
both back in time as up north?
Mea Culpa!)
Let's not forget the Harts,
Giant Tigers, Targets, Woolworths,
Walgreen's of this ConsumerismContinent -
also known as North America!

Aye - THAT is what this blog is really all about, folks!

Anyone peeking from the safety of another continent;
feel lucky - VERY LUCKY...!

Sempre Por O Melhor
+++

Shoppers' Addiction

... and what of the shoplifters' condition then - huh? 

Kleptomania - right. 

The SHOPPER'S plight is far graver 

--- SHOPAHOLICS R US, eh --- 

for it simply CANNOT BE CURED  

...EVER. 

The evidence: 

HA... that'll NEVER work...!!! 

That may be the trigger, for some: divorce, hoarding habit 

--- bang, shopping addiction with that! 

But not everyone needed a trigger event; 

some are natural born hoarders and shopaholics too!!! 

Case in point: 

Twice-cursed, eh... 

like that comic-booky character who was a vampire 

AND a werewolf too, on a full moon...!!! 

SAD... 

FORGET IT, SUGARMAMMA - see you on aisle 5! 

... like YOU, of all peeps, would have a clue!!! 

No kidding...!!! 

Just look at the Shopping/Journal Queen here 

maximize ALL of her credit cards - 

just as she super-sizes too. 

Sorry. 

That was uncalled for - I know. 

Couldn't be helped... 

It is... like... too obvious, see? 

OK - I'll shut up. 

Let's wrap this up with some evidence, then, 

(observations, really...) 

from my most recent shopping spree... 

(still - hey - I didn't buy all of that!)

(In fact... I bought none of it; 

pictures are enough... for me!) 

Hey - look who they brought back: 

the 7Up cartoon-mascot... and Michael, for Pepsi! 

Hoping that'll catch on fire again... hmm?

Oh yeah... everything is SPEED-orientated now... 

oh yeah... 

everything! 

SPEED DIAL --- hell, we don't even remember 

our own phone numbers anymore! 

We don't bother memorizing ANY OF THEM --- 

because it's all on SPEED DIAL!!! 

EVERYTHING... IS AUTOMATIC! 

... where have I heard that before, again? 

Oh... right. 

1997... Twenty years ago. 

I feel like a Musketeer... 

Anyway...

What is Luke so angry about? 

Heck... what is Leia so HAPPY about? 

She really did do drugs while filming the original trilogy... 

WHO ARE THESE LITTLE PEOPLE?!? 

And these sure aren't your daddy"s Hot Wheels... anymore!

But never mind all that... 

HEY - whaddaya know... MAGAZINES still EXIST...!!! 

(more on that on that other blog of mine...!) 

oops... spoke too soon!!!

... and spoke too soon again (?!?) 

Back to collectibles then...

But now this... is an outrage. Blasphemy. Heresy! 

Mixing these three elements together... UGH!!! 

Habs must have heard about the upcoming AQUAMAN film - 

and they want their piece of the pie alright! 

Not gonna happen - habs-nuts! 

Aquaman - and, alas, Batman... and even Black Widow (what the hell is she doing there) 

have nothing in common with that hirsute agent orange you call... Youppi. 

(A yuppy... hippie? Whatever... gone rogue - obviously!) 

And that cup there... that ashtray, really... along with that logo of yours... 

it is all beneath the King of the Seven Seas!!! 

Agghhhh --- that juxtaposition just irks me to the utmost!!! 

And it irritates the Sea King too - you can bet on it... hhhhabs!!! 

Let's just move on here - before we lose control and trash the place! 

Off to... Swarovsky! 

Marilyn... at Niagara Falls... to sell Mont Blanc. 

Makes sense. 

But Marilyn is dead - Christine is not! 

... this one any relation to Lord Brett Sinclair...?

You can tell we moved on to another... 

category of store - eh? 

One that allows us to photograph the merchandise 

-for reviewing purposes such as this- 

as we please and see fit! 

And here are the two coolest characters of the whole bunch: 

... those who never make it onto the cover, though. 

Maybe the back cover - one of them - sometimes! 

Anyhow... 

Would you believe some would gift the above 

DC coloring books 

inside a Marvel bag 

(featuring their sad version of the 

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse!) 

like this: 

Yikes!

Hmm... but all this to say... to ask, really... 
is it shoppers' addiction -  
or collectors' obsession?!? 

Shop, Shop, Shop --- ya dope!

... 'til, until, 'til, until... you drop, you dumb mark! 

How's that for a not-so-sweet, totally sour spin 

on the old row the boat song 

AND old "shop 'til you drop" slogan 

they have brainwashed you all with 

for YEARS... YEARS... heck, DECADES!!! 

But you've survived, thus far... 

so... carry on consuming! 

... Ty?

Shopping Around...

The front of a business - any business, really; whatever it is selling - 

is of the utmost importance: because you are selling yourself 

before you get any chance to sell your c... stuff, yes! 

The goal is to lure the potential customer *inside*... 

Once that guy or gal is inside, though... 

anything goes. 

Prices will vary - wildly! 

From the kids' room stuff to the kitchen... 

- everything is in the presentation - to make you buy! 

And from there... we can go to the adult stuff! 

BEER! 

The merchandising skills are almost unnecessary here  - 

this stuff sells itself off the shelves! 

... but would you have some FOOD with that? 

CANNED - but still...

You can't drink all that 

on an empty stomach now - come on! 

Try some of these... 

Beware of false advertisements though!

No squid... inside a bottle of Squid?!? 

How infuriating is that! 

Salt... And sugar, though... 

One wonders how much sugar Joe has, too...? 

Better head for the healthy products... 

Although something always pushes us towards the CANS... 

Fascinating, is it not: 

one lime-green pack of sardines reads ''Mediterranean style'' 

and the other one (right below it) reads ''Agadir style'' - huh?

Agadir? What is that? From the land of Ali Baba? 

Maybe something along the lines of...

Freshly (or nutso-freshly) brewed coffee? 

This might go well with it...

Maybe they'll be better... with beer, actually? 

Some, however, can only swear by Wine & Cheese... 

Lunchtime! I think...

What could be better than... wieners? 

Now this is taking the licensing thing overboard... 

It'll be real meat for me, thank you very much: spicy sausages!

More beer with that...? 

You're not the only ones who want to eat, however - 

gotta think of the cats too...!

Detour by aisle 12... 

And the dogs... 

And... now that that's all taken care of... 

more stuff for ourselves to munch on!  

... so, some guy named Rufus 

made some sauce... 

Teague - you're out of your league! 

You can't compete with Newman's Ghost! 

Let's move on - to the real munchies aisle - again! 

But you're bound to get thirsty -AGAIN- with all that salty stuff! 

Gotta love the concept behind... simply selling H20. 

Sweetened liquids may make one think of tomorrow's breakfast...? 

(I tell ya: shopping is never done...)

And... hey... it's Easter! 

Gotta support the monks(ey) business... 

Perhaps the strangest mish-mashed merchandising ever: 

maple syrup, wine and cheeze whiz clones... 

Trying to escape now - 

but we run into the hottest licensed products that way! 

And the not-so hot ones; poor cousin Marvel... 

We will admit to putting 

*ONE SINGLE BOX* 

out of its misery; 

just to look at 

the cookies inside...

Not even sure who all these characters are - 

did Wonder Man actually make the cut?!? 

He's not even in the movies!!! 

(For obvious reasons, we think...) 

The top three cookies: 

the shield... the logo... and the broad! 

(because, mercifully, she doesn't look like Scarlett Johannson!)

Cookies for me to poop on -  

as a certain somebody would say... 

And speaking of which... 

Gotta make absolutely sure we have got all we need 

in this particular department- 

and, is it because it is Easter and all...? 

Here's the Tuff Bunny! 

We'll go with that! 

From one bunny to another... 

And we're not done shopping - like, at all. 

Oh - what a deal! 

Ah, but thinking of those cats... 

Makes one feel... dirty, too! 

How about a long bath, once we finally get home - hmm? 

That's another 20$ right there - by today's pricings! 

Anyway - think of a nice relaxing evening afterwards, 

just sprawled out watching TV... 

Alas... Shitty TV can only lead us to... 

''We're number 2! We're number 2!'' 

Sold 2 by 2 -  but(t) of course!

Maybe we're better off toying around indeed - 

for our guaranteed entertainment! Always wondered who would win: 

the Ugglys... the Ooshies... or the... Figz?!?

Onwards to more... distinguished characters now! 

My all-time favorite Thunderbird: Aquanaut Gordon Tracy! 

The Nameless Thunderbird!

Some budding kleptomaniac kid stole... his name only?!? 

We don't have the shoplifters that we used to, anymore! 

Kayo...?!?  No idea who that is! 

Must be a first: action figure of a dead person... 

recently deceased... same difference.

A tad too lugubrious, even for me! 

Maybe all I want is... a fishie? 

Yikes - costs more than a real Goldfish! 

And finding Dory is just as expensive... 

WOW - this is the surefire sign that a retailer 

cares about his customer-base; 

when it gives it so much CHOICE  

merely for shopping accessory 

- such as a basket!!! 

Imagine the day 

when they equal the offer 

in the CARTS too - 

your choice of shopping cart, ma'am: 

the good ol' push-it-yourself model, 

the motorized vroom-vroom one 

or... self-driven! 

but back to shopping now... 

No idea what they were thinking here: 

frozen advertised in the light bulb & sandwich bags aisle! 

Bag your leftover slices...? 

By the light of this bulb...? 

Taste the quality...?!? 

Totally and completely clueless, these clutzes...! 

and guess who's there, right across the aisle from this stuff? 

He's ba-ack! 

And he's got super... competition! 

Super Heroes are trendy right now - 

so it is not surprising at all 

that ''selection'' here 

created their entire team 

of bathroom tissue & paper towels 

stupor-heroes!!! 

''Value'' would be an Aquaman for sure - 

super-absorbing, get it - while ''ultra'' is a Superman clone... 

But, for our money, ''eco-woman'' is the real deal here! 

(Based upon Wonder Woman's success, of course!) 

Note that, though they surely tried, they couldn't come up 

with a Batty Man clone who'd make sense 

wiping wetness and dirt off counters...! 

Unless the brooding tiger cub looking down on the aisle 

is supposed to be filling in for Bats...? 

A supermarket is, so often, just like Gotham... True! 

Not sure why but, it never fails: 

after shopping for the rolls and watching TV, 

 it's a lengthy session of sitting on the THRONE... 

Hmm... isn't that that very same broad from earlier? 

She jumped from that pathetic sinking ship ''Derelict'' 

(whatever - where she was ''Nadine'' or something!)

right onto her very own PLAN B - 

as far away from the crap mustered by 

the renowned Lesbienne Farouche - 

but dangerously close to my kinda fare now!!! 

But that's another story... 

''Plan B'' will go the way the other one went - 

straight to ''les oubliettes'' - hahaha! 

Let,s have a snack now - 

as we zap through the channels 

in search of something watchable... 

Aw... here are the affordable Goldfishies! 

Subjected to violence, have they been...? 

Arrrgghhh... damn monkey! 

Now this is the good stuff - jarred!

Oops - just like that - the night has gone by! 

Time for breakfast - a quick fix... 

Aren't we lucky indeed 

that we could find such a deal 

on fac-simile, sugar-coated oatmeal - HUH? 

The most important aisle of all in a store - 

the checkout queue!!! 

Some places, far more advanced than the traditional 

North American model (read: European!) 

will have all sorts of goodies 

sprawled out neatly, on your way to the cash register... 

Most places, though, still stick to the 

time-honored, proven lures: 

magazines! 

Luminous... her?!? HA!!! 

pause... pause! 

So nice you have to say it twice... or thrice 

oh yeah - magazines aren't dead yet; 

they're trying damn hard to stay alive! 

Just like JJ...

Careful there, JJ - 

you cannot believe everything you read 

in those, ah... magazeeeeeeeeenzzz! 

You better do as I do - resist temptation 

from picking up ANY of them...! 

One last ''impulse purchase'' of note, though: 

Not sure what is funniest there: 

that these idiots (the store owners) expect 

anyone to pay two bucks for old chocolate 

-of the cheapest kind to boot- 

solely based on its lone ''merit'' 

of it being an Avengers licensed product... 

OR that this famed European Bear called... BIMBO 

is also there, peddling to the kids passing by! 

(More sugary poisons, of course...)

Oh, the horrors that one sees when one... SHOPS. 

Oh well... 

As long as we brought the bread home... 

And a friend... 

Forget the robot fishie - I want one of these! 

I know, I know - SUPER RMW promises a LOT... 

probably is unable to deliver... 

He's branded as a MADNESS WARRIOR - yet he will 

develop your child's intelligence going forth... 

Rrrrrrrright. Bodes well for the future there! 

It does not compute!!! 

So what? 

LOL